Holy Mackerel Batman, i didn't know it could do that!!!

Alright the title has nothing whatsoever to do with this post. Which is not really much of a post at all really. I was just reading in the newspaper about Hurrican Katherine (i dont really need to read about it, I just look out the window, we are getting the shit-end of it). But anyway appearantly it is going to hit New Orleans. At first i did not pay attention but then i realized that they is a mandatory evacuation of the city. Every single one of the cities 400,000 thousands citizens have to leave and the place will be completely abandoned except by 10,00 people, mostly tourists that are all staying in a superbowl stadium. It like something out of a movie. Appearantly this is the worst storm to hit the area in 100 years and since most of New Orleans is old and 10foot under sea level they are expecting a lot of it to be completely destroyed. Will be interesting to see what happens.

I think i soiled myself

WIZZZZ!!! BANG!!!! WOOOOSH!!!! While it happened two days ago i am all still
buzzin from teh Union County Fair. Thats right folks, i spent my Friday evening at a good olf-fashioned american fair. There was a ferris-wheel, game-stalls, fortune-tellers, lots of bad food venders, a horse-pull, a pig-scramble (i kid you not, they grease a pig and you have to catch it) and then a bleedin hugh fireworks display. I went with Lacy, BiPolar Betty and her new beau. You have to remember that she is bi-polar betty not just bitchy betty so she was in a good mood and twas fun to be around her. It was kind of surreal to be honest, it was the most cliche american thing i have ever seen and when i went into huge barn to watch giant horses pull tons of weight i felt like i was in some a Country & Western video.

So the night before the fair i was over in Lacy's and we watched Brazil by Terry Gilliam, the ex-Monthy Python guy. Twas a good night, the film was good and we went through a bottle or two of wine. I needed it after the week i had though and it felt good to actually relax. We went off to the fair the next day then at around five and went looking at the alpaca'a and llama'a and prize-roosters and pigs. Great fun, lots of stalls selling shiny rocks and stuff as well. So we were really only there for the fire-works but there was a surprising amount of cool nausea causing rides as well which was jolly good fun. Our boss turned up later so i guess that is one more person at work who knows about myself and Lacy, i dont mind as i am going home but she has to stay there and while noone would be nasty about it they can be pretty barbed.

Anyhow, last night then we went over to Betty's place and watched Dodgeball. I went through another bottle of wine there and then we played cribbage, crazy i tell you. Still i was talking to Betty's beau a bit and he is sound. I dont get a chance to talk to much men around here bar Patrick and dreamy Mark. I spent the entire evening at home tonight which is a wee bit a novelty these days. I read threough Jen and James's properly so thanks again and i got your package Joan, thanks a million. I wore the t-shirt around all day and i appreciate the newspaper, i was feeling very out of the loop. Work is going grand at the minute, i am trying to keep a lower profile so i wont get burnt as much. While she may have been sound over the weekend i am not relying on Betty's good mood to last so i am strictly professional in work, no jokes, anecdotes or random conversation. It is an effort for me to be consciously 'cool' with someone i.e formal, but i have had enough of her tantrums to be honest. I have only a month left over here and i do be wanting to do stuff. I am going kayaking with this random woman i was talking to in work today, she is really interested in Ireland and when i told her that i had kayaking lessons she offered to take me out herself on Thursday so that should be fun. I am also looking forward to getting down to Boston to meet up with Laina for a day of culture.

I also just wanted to say hello to my ghost-readers, the ones that read my blog regularly but dont post, you know who you are.

grrr is an understatement.

ye guys are just jealous. thats all. I am actually quite flattered to be honest, its not often someone rings you up at work to tell you they like you, just a pity in this case they had a penis. I am beginning to think that i am releasing some kind of crazy pheromone though, it only seems to work on old women, fat girls and gay men unfortunately. The cook asked me today if someday i would read her a book while i sat on her lap and i am being followed about by some crazy corset-making local girl. Thats not counting the horny locals that keep hitting on me. I mean god-damn it could there not be at least one girl my age in the mix. I think from now on i will be surly and uncommunicative, and talk in a thick german accent.

I was on the verge of that today actually, the surly bit not the accent. For the first time today it really hit me that i am a foreign guy working in a cafe entirely staffed by females, most short, or fat or gay and sometimes all three. I dont think i spoke more than a few words to anyone today cuz i was so pissed off. Everything just seemed to come to a head today.

1) My boss in books appearantly was concerned cuz so little work was done on sunday when i am there on my own. I was ready to hit her (she is a big butch lesbien though so she would probably have won) cuz i actually stayed half an hour late on Sunday to get everything and more than i was supposed to do done. I was actually expecting a bit of thanks for that, not a slap on the wrist.

2) Suzanne comes in and asks why i did not cut the lawn last week when a few days previous she had said that since the summer is ending that it will not be necessary to do it every week.

3) Our till was 100 dollars out on saturday and it was my fault cuz i charged someone the wrong price then forgot to cancel it on the till. (according to the computer i should have got 90 dollars off them when they actually only owed 9). A note was given around saying this was happening too often and if it continued it would be taken out of our paycheck. 'Someone' then told everyone that it was me and i had to put up with lectures form all asunder.

4) Bi-Polar Betty was still alive.

I just got so pissed off at everyone there that i just had to leave for a while before i killed someone. Betty was about to say something but the look i gave her just made her run off instead. Long-story-short, i spent the day lurking around the shelves avoiding social contact with all, especially the corset-making girl.

After work i just went straight to the gym and lifted and ran until i felt sick. I think there is something immensely satisfying about that feeling, when you cant lift your arms, it hurts to laugh, not that i laughed today, and your stomach is quesy. I have to go in again tomorrow and at the moment i am still feeling pissed off. In Liams post today he said he missed America, today for the first time i missed home.

Oh how Popular and Desirable i am

Hmmm, where to start. I suppose i should start at the end and work back. It has been a few days since i updated properly, the Pirate Personality not-with standing. They have not been that busy at all now to tell the truth. Today was one of the first real quiet days we have had in around 3 weeks. I got time to come off the counter and totter around though. The day was changeable enough though, like Bi-Polar Betty's moods. She threw a complete rag today, brought us all in and gave out to us for around 5 minutes. Pity i could not understand a word she said and am still clueless as to what we all did wrong, she eventually stormed out and went to lunch. She must have found some blue-pills somewhere cuz when she cam back she was sweet and apologetic as pie.

Anyhow, that is not very interesting to ye folks, unlike my next story. Now this someway ties into Pa's last comment on the previous post. I was working today when my manager calls me and tells me Marc is on the phone. Now i do not know a single Marc on this entire continent so i was rather confused. The conversation did not clear things up

Me: Hello
'Marc': Hi, i think you are kind of cute.
Me:............Uhh, thank you
'Marc': So, are you into guys?
Me: ..............no, sorry
'Marc': Alright (hangs up)

Needless to say i was pretty confused at this stage. I went into my boss who go the call and she said that he had rang and just asked for the blond guy so to answer your question Pa, i guess that i still do look a bit like a fag.

Now another very unusual thing happened on Saturday when we where very busy and i was behind the counter. So there i was working away when all of a sudden i see a familiar face. Of course for all ye home-birds this is nothing new but since i am thousands of miles away from home it came as a bit of a shock. For a while i could not place him since he had an American accent but then i saw this really ear-ring he had and i remembered. His name was Liam Murphy and he was in my anthropology class in New Paltz. I went over to him and he kind-of recognised me, we had never spoken but i remembered him cuz of his dirty irish name. He was in town with his girlfriend for a few days but i got their number and he said to give him a call if i go down. which i may do.

I did my radio show tonight, sorry for not telling ye but it was a rush job. I will probably do it again before i go and i will give ye a heads up before that.

James and Jen, i got yer letters, how odd that they both arrived on the same day. Thanks a million and i will reply as soon as i can.

How quaint,

Your pirate name is:
Dirty Sam Vane
You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. You tend to blend into the background occasionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!


hmmm, and i even picked the 'washes daily' option. God only knows what Liams really said

Serendipity....i think

Today i met a boy called Liam Murphy. Now the cool thing about Liam Murphy is not the dirty irish name but the fact that i already know him. You see Liam Murphy was in my Anthropology class in New Paltz. I have been over here two months now and i have completely categorised all the new people i met into the 'Maine Category'. Now when my family came to visit obviously they fell into the 'Ireland Category' but to see someone that i recognise that is not from those categories was a huge shock. New Paltz is 7 hours away or around 400 miles away and has millions of people in between so i was definately not expecting to see someone familiar. I had only spoken to him a few times in class but i got his room number down there andi might give him a call if i go down. Himself and the girlfriend were only up here for the night so that was that.

Apologies for the lack of posting recently, it has been a relatively uneventful week

Ennui

Hmmm, it appears I have a problem. Something has happened for the first time in my 2 months here. Something that could have far reaching consequences. I am bored.

Nothing has changed since yesterday or last week but I am suddenly at a loss at what to do with myself. I am not enjoying the gym any more as I have gotten to the stage where it is all hard work but no obvious improvement in performance. The garden holds no allure for me at the minute and there is no DVD’s that I want to get. I have exhausted my resources on the limited dial-up connection internet and I have no games that I want to play, Rome, Civilization, Sims, Morrowind, all of them are psha! Lacy is away with her family for a few days and Suzanne has gone camping. My rarefied circle of friends over here has become glaringly obvious. It is five o clock now and I have not a clue what I will do with myself until I sleep tonight. I am not hungry, not thirsty and not tired just fatigued with everything. Perhaps it will pass, hopefully it will pass.

Sometimes when i do sit-ups i fart.

Okay so where to start, I have been reading over my last few entries and they seem to be largely consisting of “What-I-Did-On-My-Holiday” posts. Informative perhaps but not very interesting. Therefore, since I am approaching my 2-month anniversary here, (yes believe it or not it has been two months since that barbeque in my back garden and the last time I saw any of ye) I will perhaps do a bit of a critique of my visit so far.

Job Life: I will admit that there are some periods in the job where I am bored stiffless, tired and constantly staring at the clock. It is however constantly improving. The longer I spend there the more things I am able to do and the less I have to do the boring, monotonous but simple tasks. Being able to chose which books to order or learning how to make new drinks makes it much more satisfying to work there. I am also getting to know the staff and the regular customers more so I am have a better laugh working and except for Bi-polar Betsy’s Mr Hyde aspect there is no one I don’t get on with. I usually come home wrecked however as I am mostly on my feet and rarely get a chance to sit down for 8 hours straight.

Home Life: Again, I am pretty satisfied with this. The house and the garden are gorgeous and I am getting on very well with Suzanne and Patrick. Patrick is coming out of his shell more and it turns out he is a pretty funny, if dry, kind of guy. Suzanne of course is great. They call her my Mother inside in work but to be honest she is more like an older sister or a young aunt. She asks very little from me bar cleaning up after myself and doing an hour or two a week in the garden and we also have a lot in common as I mentioned before. Plus, between her spending a lot of time in Ireland over the last 15 years and Patrick having gone to secondary school there for a while (4 years in Foxrock boarding school, he is good friends with Gabrial Rosenstock the poet) and living in Dublin for a few years, they are well up on Irish culture and seem like less of a pair of Yanks and so I do not feel that much isolated from home.

Love Life: Ha! Did you ever think you would see the day when you saw me talk about my love life? Myself and Lacy (I cant be bothered with the whole Madam thing, seems a little forced) are getting on grand. As I said before we aint going out but neither of us is seeing anyone else if you get my drift. She is sound out and I am only getting fonder of her as time goes by. She is a cool kat and is rather than making work awkward it only makes it more of a laugh. It is a most uncomplicated relationship, we don’t have to try and appear to be lovey-dovy in public (in fact we avoid it, it is still only Susanne and Bi-polar Betsy who know in work) and we are really just two good friends….with benefits. Hopefully that is the way it will stay, I will afterall be gone in a month and a half.

I think you could sum up this summer in one word: Uncomplicated. And I think it is because of this I am enjoying it so much. Bar Lacy and Suzanne, there is nobody who has any influence whatsoever on what I do with my time and anything those two suggest I usually find very enjoyable. My life over here is incredibly simple and I am relishing it. There are no feuding parties I have to juggle, family responsibilities I have to fulfil or social pressures to conform to. Over here I can watch what films I want, listen to what music, rent what videos or wear what clothes I want. I don’t have to worry about the perpetual harassing globs of scum that settle on street corners or comic but irritating family opinion. Could you see me dying my hair white and am seeing a 30 year old women in Clonlara? I couldn’t.

But another thing about my time here is that it is just one summer. Like I said, I am going home in 6 weeks. I do not know if I would feel this positive about this place if I were here for six months or a year. Perhaps the anonymous autonomy would get depressing and lonely after a while. It is knowing that is only a break and I will get to go back home at the end that makes it so pleasant. I can enjoy myself here then return to that family and that Clonlara and start again, perhaps not where I left off, but in a setting that is familiar and predictable to me. Don’t get me wrong, while I am loving it here I am always looking forward to going home.

So in closing folks, while i am having the, perhaps uneventful, time of my life here i am still looking forward to seeing all ye guys soon and being home again. I am just going to make the most of my time here and when it is over its over, i dont think i have reason to come back. The same cant be said for home.

Mainly a Nerd-fest only Steve would understand, also a callout to Pa.

So I am just after finishing watching a new anime film called Steam-Boy. It was good enough, set in a alternative reality in London during the 1890’s. While it was a Japanese Sony production it obviously had a lot of British people in it, the characters were all from Manchester and you could tell and in one shot of Manchestor there is this green pub called ‘Rovers Return’. Those funny-eyes japs would not understand that! I was also watching the previews of upcoming film and there was one that I think Steve would like, its Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children and it looks fucking class, I know its called FF:7 but it seems to be about Tidus and I think I saw Yuna and Wakka in it too. Of course this is completely over the heads of ye non computer geeks. The whole thing is done like the cut-scenes from the game. Check it out on ye olde inter-net.

Work is going good, Sunday was excellent. I was in charge of the books for the day and so I just chillaxed in my bare feet for most of it. While I had to do a bit of cleaning after the crowds of The Lobster Festival I was also given a very important task. Yes between much subtle influencing of Suzanne and sleeping with my manager I have managed to convince them to get graphic novels for the store! So on Sunday I was given the task of going on Amazon and ordering 15 of the best one-off graphic novels I could think of. I LOVE MY FUCKING JOB! As it is only a trial thing I left off the heavy bloody ones like Preacher, Constantine, Authority and DV8 and since we were not getting any series I could not get the Batman No-Man Lands, Transmetropolitan or the Sandman. In the end I picked a few Swamp-thing, a few JLA, Amalgam, Batman and Y. We had to get ones that would be the most popular rather than the best art or writing.

I met a woman from Dublin today in the store. It was weird how I realised it. Unlike New Paltz, where I was surrounded by 4 other irish people most of the time, here I am only talking to Americans. I still however notice their accent, but when this woman gave her order it seemed to me that she had no accent whatsoever. Its like the Americans voice are distorted by their accent and an irish voice comes through strong and clear. Anyway she is from Dublin and just over for a few weeks.

I have suddenly realised that since I came over I have worn long pants only 4 times. The weather has been so nice ever since I came here I am just living in my shorts. Luckily I bought another three pairs when I came here. Appearantly this has been one of the sunniest and driest summers on record over here. Since I arrived we have had an average temperature of around the low twenties and a good few where it nearly reaches 30. I have just taken it for granted but Suzanne and Patrick are in awe of it. I just wake up and say ‘of look, another cloudless blue sky’.

Not a very interesting update I know but not much of interest has happened. I suppose I should give a call out to Pa in case he explodes in a bloody mess of profanities. I am thinking of you sweetie and I have sent you a little present, it should be there in a week or two. An email would be nice though.

So long and goodnight all.

While i like buying shoes, i hate wearing them

Hey all. Hope ye are well. I am writing this in bed and I am well exhausted. Today was the final day of the Lobster Festival over here and there was a parade down Main St. I was in work at eight and there was a 15man-queue for 2 hours straight. It was crazy. Twas relatively enjoyable though, except when Bi-Polar Betty was around. I swear that woman can pour viscous scorn on the most reasonable of questions and inject venomous sarcasm into the shortest of replies. I nearly took her aside and told her to lose the attitude or I would complain her, manager bedamned. The only thing stopping me was knowing from a secret source that she was suffering from bad cramps. Sometimes my magnetic knowledge for women’s menstrual cycles can come in handy. She finished at 1 though so it was alright after that. I pretty much know the menu inside out now and can bluff my way through selling the 25 different types of coffee and the 50 types of tea we stock.

Afterwards I went with the Madam down to the quarry with our new inflatable lie-lows and lazed around there for a while. That was absolutely gorgeous as the weather is still brilliant and we had the place to ourselves, cue 40 minutes of aimless floating around sunning ourselves, idyllic I tell you. I was still completely drained and brain-dead after that so I went back home and had some dinner and then opened a bottle of wine with Suzanne and just chillaxed. I am just after having a shower and will be off to sleep in but a moment.

Now to less trivial matters. Amanda I got your letter and present, thanks a million babe I am wearing it as we speak, just it actually, you know how I sleep J. And I got your email Steve and will write back tomorrow or the next, I am not off work till Thursday. Jen I hope you are feeling better and I will write you later this week. A few people have asked and my number over here is 01-207-594-54-tri-ceathrar. Amanda you already have it. After seeing the crazy people writing to Liam and Rob’s blog I don’t want to narrow it to just crazy Irish people possibly ringing me. My address is 55 Masonic Street, Rockland, Maine, 04841, USA. With that I will sigh off, I am exhausted, full of food and wine and fresh form the shower. My next entry will have less mundane descriptions and more substance I swear.

Alright, so I came down to the café with the express intention of using ye olde wireless internet connection and posting this thing, updating a few files on the computer and sending emails to a few lucky recipients. I had asked my manager a few days ago how this wireless malarchy works and she said that most computer built in the last two or three years have wireless connections built into the laptop. Long story short, mine doesn’t. I am in the café now typing this in Word and I will copy and paste it to me blog in a while. As for the wireless, it turns out I have to get a card and plug that in and then I will be able to pick it up. I may do so as there is a wireless network in the University Library and in the Comp Sys building so being able to have free mobile access to the internet in them sould be helpful come study and essay writing time.

Now as for my so-called life. My family left today after being here since Monday afternoon. I nearly missed them when they arrived as I was up in my room listening to loud music but I looked out the door just as they were getting back into their car. They stayed up here on Monday night and we had dinner here which was a civilized and nice affair. On Tuesday then we headed down to Portland and booked into a hotel. It was incredibly hot, nearly 30 degrees and so we decided that it would not have been much fun strolling around the city with a wheelchair in that heat so we decided to fully experience the American culture and instead went to a mall, the Maine Mall as it were. This was this big mall with shitloads of shops so I was spoilt for things to spend my money on….except I left my wallet in the hotel. Luckily I was able to borrow from my dad and my 12 yr old brother. IN the end I bought:
Two rings
Nipple bar
Sandles (those thong things or jangles as Amanda calls them)
A new watch like those ones that Dave Sherlock and Horan have
New game (Starcraft & expansion)
New Daft Punk CD
Fat Boy Slim Album
Fat Skater Shoes
The great thing was that all this I got for 150 dollars and it is all class stuff. You got to love cheap Chinese labour. Now I bet you did not think you were going to be privy to my shopping list when you logged on. Now people might say that there were better places to bring the family than the mall but I think they were mostly looking to buy stuff and just walk around talking than in doing touristy stuff. Beside it was unmercifully hot and humid outside

Later that evening when it had colled down just a little we went down town and had a stroll around there. To be honest it was nothing much. We went for a drink in an irish pub then walked around until we could find a restaurant where we could get sea-food for my uncle, steak for my dad, chicken for my brother. I of course will eat everything. We came back the next day and just stolled around Rockland for a while. I even brought Gavin to get his first Games Workshop model, in hindsight I am kindof regretting that, God knows that it is a slippery slope. As long as he knows the dangers he should be okay.

I then had my birthday party last night which was a lot of fun. Big call out to my peeps Conal who rang me and Elaine who bought credit, rang me and used it all. Respect and much appreciated. The party was a good laugh, Suzanne and Patrick cooked up loads of potatoes, corn on the cob, salads, dips, barbequed some burgers and chicken, fried some carrots, jalopinos and other miscellaneous vegetables and generally made a feast for the 12 people that were there. I suppose I don’t appreciate it but all the vegetables that we used were organically grown in Suzannes garden and the corn, burgers and chicken were all local and the cider, beer and wine was brewed in my next-door-neighbours basement. They were all delicious. They are big into their organic, clean living over here. I was really surprised by all the presents I got, a lot were completely random but over all I got
Two class magnets
5 cinema tickets for any film
$10 voucher for the baker
2 origami grass-hoppers (made by the Madam)
a pen with DIVA on it.
2 vouchers for sea-kayaking lessons, each for 2 hours.
An Evanescence CD (????)
A potato cookbook with every ingredient bar cream, butter, water and potatoes scribbled out in all recepies.
An open invitation to go and make a World of Warcraft character and play it as much as I like in one of the girls houses.
An inflatable bed for going relaxing in the lake in the quarry.

While I say none of these bar the kayaking lessons (from Suzanne and Patrick) cost much they were all class presents and the cards were all good as well. It was a very civilized affair with everyone gone by around 11 but I enjoyed it heartily. My best American birthday yet.

This post has gone on rather long so I will cut it off there and write more of my musings tomorrow. I told steve I would mention him as I was talking to him cross the interweb earlier. HI STEPHEN, that’s right, Stephen or steph as he likes to be known.


Here is a picture of me reading how to make potato desert, Gavin is trying to sneak open my present in the background